Weeding the Garden

Dear Bloggy,

So, my girlfriend just dumped me, which sucks. The reason I'm writing isn't because I want to get her back, I don't, but because of something she said. One of the reasons she said she broke up with me is because I smoke pot. Is that really a reason to dump someone? Or was she just pulling excuses?

-F.

Ah, layers. I do love layers. Let's jump into the first one, regressively speaking.

Yes, F, pot is a reason to dump someone, as good as any reason. I say that because nobody ever actually needs a reason to end a relationship. Breakups are like civil litigation. One does not need grounds to pursue, only to prove worth with the judge. But when the dump-er is the judge, the dump-ee's objections don't count for anything.

As for your smoking habits, there are a few things to consider:

First, as always, how old are you? Arbitrary as it might be, having a pot habit when you're 22 is a lot different that sustaining one into your 30's. Mind you, this is just an opinion, but hear me out. One of the major arguments for the legalization of marijuana, a platform I personally support (just not for this reason), is that a legal substance like alcohol is actually more physically dangerous than pot. Does alcohol cause more disease and contribute to more car accidents? Sure, but the issue isn't so black-and-white. My contention is that you can have one beer and not get drunk. It's a hell of a lot harder to be that accurate with an uncontrolled, inhaled substance like marijuana.

The point of this tangent is that being with someone who regularly gets stoned is like being with someone who regularly gets drunk. It's unpleasant, inconvenient and often renders that person unreliable. In long-term relationships, people want to see some responsibility. Regular intoxication, especially using an illegal substance, isn't very responsible.

Pot is also expensive, F, as I'm sure you know. Though it's not terribly romantic, a lot of us look for financial stability in our committed relationships.

I'm also going to assume that your ex wasn't a pot-smoker herself. So, all of the above aside, you two were at odds about a major interest. You liked something of which she didn't approve. You may just have to chalk the end of your relationship up to simple incompatibility.

My parting words to you, F, are for you to do what all of us ought to do at the end of every relationship. Ask yourself if there's anything you can learn from the experience. Do you feel like you made some mistakes you'd rather not make again? Are there things about your approach to life you feel you would benefit from changing? In your case, if you're asking an advice columnist whether or not your pot habit is a detriment to your social life, then maybe you ought to ask yourself if you really want to continue indulging in that habit.