We Band of Brothers

Dear Bloggy,

I'm in a band with some good friends of mine and we're starting to get more professional, gigs, studio time, that sort of thing. The problem is that one of us, I'll call him J, hasn't really applied his talent like the rest of us. The other guys in the band have noticed and we've started talking about replacing J. The problem is, J's our friend and we don't just want to fire him, but we also want to move on with our careers. What should we do? Let him down easy, cut and run, or wait in the hopes that he gets better?

-B

This is why it's a bad idea to do business with people you care about. And that's what you're doing, B. You and your bandmates are trying to be professionals. Now, I don't know exactly what you mean by "hasn't applied his talents", so I'll assume it's one of two things. Either J has been goofing off, flaking out and just generally not taking his band seriously, or he's just not as technically gifted at whatever his role in the band is.

If it's the former, your situation is significantly easier. The conversation would go something along the lines of, "We love you, J, but you can be a pain in the ass when you miss rehearsal, show up to gigs drunk and play your guitar out of tune. Shape up or we're dropping you." When you do something like play in a for-profit band with a friend, that friend also has a social obligation to do his job. He's not just screwing up his own situation, he's jeopardizing the work of his friends. It's no different than working in an office with a friend who bad-mouths the boss and steals too many pens. It's just plain jerky to make you look bad by association.

If it's an issue of technical skill, the road ahead is going to be harder. It's not easy to have your friends tell you that you suck at something, even if they phrase it nicely. And yes, that's what you'd be telling J in so many words. If you and the rest of the band are serious about pursuing a career in music, you're going to have to address this. "Wait in the hopes that he gets better" is not an option. For all you know, J may think that he's keeping up with the rest of you. I also wouldn't suggest a cut-and-run approach, either. As always, direct honesty seems to be the best route.

Now is the time for an ultimatum. Get the rest of the band together and sit down with J. Let him know that he's going to have to work on his skills if he wants to remain a part of this project. If you give him a time frame, say six months, to pick up the slack, you'll get results. Maybe those results will be that he leaves in a huff, maybe they'll be a much-improved J in 2010. If he really wants this band to succeed as much as you do, he'll practice more and generally have a fire under his ass about it. Just as importantly, you'll have been a good friend for giving him a fair shot.