Alright, Bloggy. Here's the situation. I grew up in a podunk little town and I got out as soon as I could. I've been in a new city for about a year and everything's been going great. Recently my dad's been looking for a new job and it looks like there's an opening in my city. I love my folks and everything, but I feel like if they move here then they'll just start crowding my life. So, should I tell them this or would that just be a really dickish thing to do? -Ben

Ah, parents. I feel for you, Ben. I really do. One of the most difficult social situations in life is when parents and children have to learn how to interact with one another when the children aren't really children anymore. Boundaries need to be renegotiated, terms have to be re-defined and everyone has to learn to approach everyone else with mutual respect but not without at least paying lip service to due reverence. Many conflicts between parents and their grown children result from perceived insubordination or in your case, Ben, intrusion.

Without getting too psychoanalytic here, let's explore one possibility before getting to the nitty-gritty practical side. You felt that it was important to place your relocation in the context of how much you didn't like your home town. You made it apparent that you weren't so much traveling to a new city as you were getting out of dodge in the old one. A lot of us can't help but see our parents as the embodiment of the time and place in which we grew up. It's possible that you're afraid if your parents move to the city where you live that they'll bring your home town with them. Or, more to the point, that their presence will force all of the dissatisfaction you had with that place back into your life.

Another thread here comes in your choice of words. You refer to your current home as "my city". You think of this place, along with the life you've begun to build there, as being something you did on your own. By reintroducing your parents into the place where you live, you may feel as if this place will somehow become less yours than it was before. At the root of all this is the desire of a young adult to have the final word in his or her life. What you're afraid of, Ben, is that you will have to choose between accepting your parents' authority back into your life and hurting them if you refuse it. It's a tough position to be in, but like so many things in life it's not really as binary as it seems. What you have to understand, Ben, is that as an adult you actually do have the final authority in your life.

Regardless of any tactic a parent might use, any pressure or guilt, the only person who can change your life is you. I wouldn't advise you to talk to your parents about this before they make their decision about moving. After all, they might not choose to come to your city and it would be a shame to introduce the kind of drama that is likely to result from such a conversation. Rather, this should be a bridge you cross when and if you come to it. In the event that your parents actually do move to your city, give them the benefit of the doubt. They may surprise you and be completely respectful of your personal space and your own adult authority.

If the opposite happens and your folks do start to intrude, you are well within your rights to call them on it. That is the time when you should have a frank discussion with them about where there boundaries are concerning your life in this or any city. They have a responsibility towards you as a responsible adult to respect your space and whatever lifestyle you choose to live. As is the case with many situations in a family, the best way to keep people close is to allow them some distance.