Crack open a bottle of champagne. It's Ask Bloggy's first romance question.
Hey Bloggy or whoever you are. I've got a question for you about this thing with my boyfriend. So, we've been together for about three months now and things were going really well. He's nice, he's cute, he isn't a deadbeat. We started "being intimate" about a month and a half into the relationship. Last week, he confesses to me that he's bisexual. I said I didn't know how I felt about that. And I still don't. I've never been with a bisexual guy before. I mean, does this mean that he wants to be with guys too? Is he just gay and afraid to say so? He's a really nice guy, but this whole thing just makes me nervous.
Help,
Cali
First of all, take a deep breath, Cali. Everything is going to be all right. Second, let's talk about The Myths of Bisexuality.
Myth #1: Bisexuals are just homosexuals who are too scared to admit who they really are.
Fact: Though many people disagree, the enlightened portion of the population believes that bisexuality, like oxygen and electricity, does actually exist and is fairly ubiquitous. Bisexuals get grief from both ends of the spectrum. It is not only possible for a person to feel sexual and/or romantic attraction to both men and women, it's actually pretty common.
Myth #2: Bisexuals are categorically incapable of monogamy.
Fact: Having a wide range of sexual options does not intrinsically limit an individual's desire or ability to be faithful to a partner. Just because your boyfriend likes guys doesn't mean he wants to bring one into bed with you, or that he wants to go jump in bed with one when you're not around. All the straight guys you've dated have liked women, not just you. That doesn't mean they were all itching to get in the sack with every pretty girl that crossed their paths.
Myth #3: Bisexuals don't know what they want.
Fact: Bisexuals who haven't discovered their bisexuality don't know what they want. Bisexuals who know what they are, especially those that are out, have a pretty good idea of what they want. It's right there in the definition.
As for your personal quandary, Cali, don't despair. If monogamy is what you want in your relationship, just say so. If your boyfriend agrees, he'll be officially obligated to be faithful to you under penalty of a break-up, just like if he were straight. There's nothing to be worried about here that you wouldn't have to be worried about in any other relationship.
I know, when straight people date bisexuals there's the worry that the one straight partner won't be enough to satisfy the bi partner. But put yourself in your boyfriend's place. He's probably had his concerns over whether or not a single partner could ever satisfy him. Being in that position is infinitely more frightening than worrying about one partner's fidelity. For your purposes, the best thing you can do is be understanding. Don't treat your boyfriend any differently than you would treat a straight guy. Remember, what he wants is to be with you. Take it as the ultimate form of flattery. This guy has a significantly bigger playing field than straight guys, yet for all his options he's still happy to commit himself to you alone.
So, Cali, my advice to you is this: Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him the truth- that you're not yet comfortable with this whole bisexual thing and (this is important) that you'd like him to help you understand it so you two can have a good relationship. If monogamy is what you want, flat out tell him so. Later, when all of the jibblies have been worked from your system, you two can sit in a cafe and check out guys together, then go home and work off the resulting energy.
